Wednesday, August 1, 2012


So I know it's been almost a year since I've blogged and I really need to get better at it. But I'm not going to have this post be a catch up post. This post is just my thoughts on how far I've come in the last few years. I just had my birthday and Tiaree was asking how it felt to be 34. I told her that I don't really think about how old I am any more but how I feel. I feel better at 34 than I did 10 years ago at 24. I'm 60 lbs lighter, I'm exercising every day for at least an hour, most days even more than that and today I registered to run Ragnar in Las Vegas. I never thought I'd be a runner. 10 years ago I really didn't give exercising a thought. I knew I needed to loose weight but I didn't care that much. In fact I remember one "stunt" I pulled, I found this "loose weight while you watch tv" thing. And I actually tried it! HA!!! I was lazy and I didn't have anything that was motivating me to loose weight. I'd had 2 kids and wanted more but I didn't realize how unhealthy I was. When I got pregnant with Bree that heavy, it didn't cross my mind that I might be putting the baby in harms way. With both Jarik and Bree I was induced early because I was pre-hypertension. I had no inkling that this could be from my weight. Then when we decided to try to have Keighlee I had a huge wake up call. I got pregnant easily, like I did with the other 3, but then I had a miscarriage. Something clicked in me then. I realized that my body was not in the shape it needed to be in to have a baby. So I started Weight Watchers. I lost 50 lbs before I got pregnant with her. I did it for her, for my baby, not for myself, which at that time was totally fine. I only gained about 15 lbs while I was pregnant with her but I never lost it again. For the next 6 years I seesawed between 10-20 lbs up from when I got pregnant with her. Hitting the 20 lb mark last Christmas. That's when I realized I needed to do this for myself. I needed to change for me, not for someone else (even as good as loosing the weight for Keighlee was, once she was here, it didn't matter anymore.) So I started to really work hard. Tracy got me a body bugg for Christmas and that's been the coolest thing! It's helped so much. It's been more of a lifestyle change than a diet. I started to up my workouts and cut down on the sugar. No I haven't given it up all together, I like it too much and if I try to stay totally away I usually end up binging on it. So I have a little bit. I'm now officially 30 lbs down from December. I haven't been this light since before I got pregnant with Tiaree. I actually am starting to get some muscle definition. And I feel great! I have hardly anything to wear, most things are huge on me and falling off, but I'll take that :) I love working out now. I might dread it before I start, except Zumba, I LOVE Zumba, but when I'm done, I feel amazing! I started running in June. I didn't think I could and I was amazed at how well I did. The first time, I ran for a mile without stopping. I was shocked! Now I can run 3, most of it without stopping. My time isn't the best but I don't care. I've always seen those runners and been kind of jealous of them. Especially when I started getting in shape. But now, I'm one of those runners and it's a great feeling! Thinking back to 10 years ago, I didn't even have the desire to run or workout like I do. I wanted to be skinny, but just to look good, not to feel good. I don't think I even realized how much better I would feel the skinnier I got. Now I'm doing this for ME. So that I can have the energy to play with my kids. So that I can feel good all day. So that I can actually cross my legs!! :) So that I can fit into anything that isn't a 1X  or 2X, or even XXL. I'm so good with XL right now, it's not even funny. And I ordered a L shirt for the Ragnar! My wedding ring won't stay on my finger, I've almost lost it in the garbage countless times. I have cheekbones!! And a chin!! All these little changes feel so amazing and I just want to keep going. Some days are hard. Very hard. I get tired and worn out and all I want to do is eat cookies. But those days pass and I get going again the next day. I don't let those small things devastate me anymore. Used to be that if I ate a cookie I was done. I was a failure, I can't do this so why even try. Now if I eat a cookie, I enjoy it and make the commitment to work a little harder in my work out the next day. My whole mind set has changed and I think that is the key to success. A cookie is not going to kill me. It probably won't even add to the scale in any noticeable way. I just keep plugging along, trying my best and staying positive and it's working! :) So this has been my life for the past 6 months. Good decisions and baggy jeans! I can't believe I've come to a point where I'm going to run a relay race. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, besides child birth of course ;), but it will also be the most amazing! And I get to do it with my husband. Life can only keep getting better from here!!
Jarik was so chubby, but it was cute on him :)
My cute little family in early 2003.

Tracy and I. I still can't believe I was this large.
Here I am 60+ lbs down and almost 9 years later! Yay!!

I know the before pics aren't the best, but I think you can tell the difference. And the after pic was one I never thought I'd share except with Tracy. I just put on that shirt and it actually fit. I'd bought it optimistically and it didn't fit over my stomach. Couple years later and it's kinda baggy :) Oh and how cute is my Keighlee :D


Lacey said...

Congrats to you. You look fabulously amazing. You always have. I have always struggled like you and especially since having kids. I have tried things here and there but never have been able to stick with them. I have been able to maintain a weight and it flex's within 5-10lbs, but this isn't where I want to be. You are so inspiring to me and I love your story. It makes me feel like I can actually accomplish my goal and get to the healthy person I want to be not only for my family but for ME. Thank you for sharing your journey and inspiring me to try again and stick with it. You are absolutely beautiful in every way.

Caitlin said...

You are amazing, and such an example to your little sister. You inspire me to try my best.

I sure do love you and I'm lucky to have a big sister like you!

LeShel said...

Congrats! Great job! Tough stuff, life changes. But YOU ROCK IT! You're going to love that race. I think the best part is the changes you feel inside.

dlkenney said...

Congrats ... you give us all hope and inspiration to keep trying ... I am the heaviest now than I have ever been, I need to find the courage and the switch to change my way of thinking ... You look amazing by the way

Mel said...

caitlin told me to check out your blog- so amazing what youve accomplished!! seriously, so amazing!! great job- keep it up! you are such an inspiration for me!

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